Dear Netflix Fans,
The Oscars have come and gone, but awards season isn’t finished yet. Our friends at Netflix are giving out the gold to some of your most beloved movie and TV shows, and the winners will be chosen by—you!
But you won’t just be conferring accolades on the best films available for streaming through Netflix—you’ll also be choosing which letters Dear Cast and Crew will write next.
That’s right, we’ll be reviewing the winners in each category, from Best Tantrum Tamer, to Best Bromance, to Best Hangover Cure (we’ll even make sure to be appropriately soused so that it’s a genuine experience). If you want us to watch Eat Pray Love, then gosh durnit, we will!
Visit the Flixies website right now to see the nominees and cast your votes, then visit Dear Cast and Crew to see what we have to say to the people behind the magic.
Until then, enjoy our very own Flixies Picks – for both Netflix Canada and U.S.!
CANADA
Christopher: Trailer Park Boys, because it rocks and I imagine Ricky asking “What in the fuck is a Best Commute Shatner?”
Cory: Aziz Ansari: Intimate Moments. Top Gear guys are jerks, TED is vapid, and Portlandia is way too cute. Nothing better prepares me for the commute and work than the little dose of the insanity and misanthropy that is Aziz.
U.S.
Christopher: Shark Week. I like so many people find these misunderstood sea monsters hypnotic. I could end up at either ocean before I came to.
Cory: Louis C.K. Chewed UP – nothing better prepares me for the commute and work than the little dose of the reality and hope and misanthropy that is Louis C.K.
CANADA & U.S.
Casey: Portlandia. Being a sketch show, it’s already broken up into short chunks, so you don’t even have to worry about being left hanging when you arrive at your destination. The fact that it’s the best sketch show on TV right now also helps.
Jared: The fantastical world of Portlandia – which grows even more absurd in the second season – will seem almost like a documentary when you’re watching it amongst the hemp-smelling hippies and eccentrics on your morning bus.
CANADA
Christopher: Again, Trailer Park Boys. I love Community, but those dudes talk too fast when your head already hurts.
U.S.
Christopher: What better way to slough off your day than re-watching Ferris Bueller’s Day Off?
CANADA & U.S.
Casey: Archer. In any given episode, Sterling Archer is guaranteed to be more hung over then you ever will be, and watching him crush it as an international spy can only serve as an inspiration.
Cory: Agreed, Archer. The worst part of a hangover is the regret and self-flagellation. Watching this show makes you feel normal and well adjusted, which is a precious commodity nowadays. And they talk so fast, you could watch the same episode three times and not even mind. Also: it’s pretty.
Jared: The great-tasting, less-filling adventures of TV’s most dysfunctional family is the hair-of-the-dog you need the morning after getting so tanked you lift your shirt for a Girls With Low Self-Esteem camera crew. Arrested Development all the way.
CANADA
Christopher: Machine Gun Preacher, only because it’s an excuse to promote my article Finding God in the Films of 2012.
Cory: Both Jackass and Braveheart are too honest and sincere to be comfortable to watch with brothers, friends, or romancees. Inglourious Basterds would be my vote if it had more actual bromance in it. Who’s driving this list? Estelle Getty? The Three Stooges win it by a landslide because the best part of men enjoying men is that they simply spend time together and don’t fuss about the details.
Jared: Brad Pitt and his ruffian gang of scalp-hunting Jews from Inglorious Basterds were World War II’s most dangerous bros: nowhere is this more clear than in the “Bear Jew” scene, as they lounge with their collars popped, cheering on their buddy as he crushes Nazi skulls like they’re cans of Bud Lite.
U.S.
Christopher: Goon, Goon, GOON. How is this not available in Canada??
Cory: I vote for Warrior, because brothers be trouble, and family is something worth fighting for.
Jared: Goon isn’t just the best bromance available for streaming on Netflix, it was one of last year’s most underrated films (and I’m not just saying that because I’m legally required).*
*Please note: all Canadian citizens are required by law to espouse the natural virtues of all films that reference the game of hockey.
CANADA & U.S.
Casey: Justified. We all know Raylan Givens and Boyd Crowder were made for each other.
CANADA
Christopher: A Monster in Paris looks sort of tolerable. I guess? (Why did I just have a kid…)
Casey: Caillou. I once played a show alongside a band named Caillou. That’s all I’ve got for this list. (Instead, watch the original Transformers cartoon on Netflix.)
Cory: My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, because I just learned there is a MLP mod for Dwarf Fortress. It was all quiet until a fire imp jumped out of a cavern and set fire to a puppy. Two dwarves ponies died killing the imp and handling the puppyfire. The puppy survived, but the goblins attacked and everyone ran out of beer. I will watch MLP until this happens in the actual show. Either the world will end or everyone will have calmed the fuck down by then.
U.S.
Christopher: Well obviously The Muppet Movie. It’s incredibly watchable and I can drown out any kid while I sing along to Life’s a Happy Song, Party for One and the Oscar-winning ballad Man or Muppet. Wait, what? Wrong Muppet movie? I’m picking it anyway. And singing these songs with it too.
Casey: The Muppet Movie. It’s best to introduce children to the work of Orson Welles early.
Cory: My challenge here is that the better the movie is, the worse it may fare as an actual tantrum tamer. If the tantrum is not my fault, then they have to watch Transformers: Prime and keep crying. If it is my fault and I forgot to feed them or something, then they can watch something good, like The Muppet Movie.
CANADA & U.S.
Jared: A tantrum is a war of attrition, and Transformers: Prime will meet the cacophony of your child’s wild rage with an appropriate level of noise and bombast—even if it doesn’t tame the tantrum, at least it will drown it out.
CANADA
Christopher: Titanic. Re-watched it in 3D. Re-cried like a 12-year-old girl. And look! Another chance to link to a review.
Casey: I don’t even get these nominations. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Freaks and Geeks, Shawn of the Dead were all critically loved; where’s the guilt here? I could go ahead and say Bad Boys II as I hate Michael Bay, and this is the most Michael Bay Michael Bay’s ever been, which results in the best kind of hate-watching. But the Buffy fan in me—and the presence of Eliza Dushku— tips the balance to Bring it On. For all the wrong reasons.
U.S.
Christopher: I’ve never seen Hoarding: Buried Alive, but I assume it would adequately fulfill reality TV’s role of having me look down on people.
Casey: Cruel Intentions. You see, it’s the cast of Buffy that make the best guilty pleasures, not the show itself. This is what must have confused the nominating committee.
CANADA & U.S.
Cory: I ain’t telling you guys nuthin’. What? Oh. Well, in that case, it’s Buffy. It’s the only thing of Whedon’s that I haven’t seen, and I am sure I would like it. If I had a pleasure I felt guilty about, this could very well be it.
Jared: Guilt hits hardest when you indulge to excess. That’s why Bad Boys II, which is the most indulgent and excessive of Michael Bay’s action blockbusters (and that’s saying a lot) should make you feel the guiltiest.
CANADA
Casey: Can I say none? This is a sad list of films and shows I haven’t seen. But since Nora Ephron wanted to be a less interesting Woody Allen, I vote for Midnight in Paris
Cory: I will take Pride and Prejudice, because the Victorians knew how to hate people in general way before Bridezilla and Sleepless in Seattle. To be honest, I quite liked Pride and Prejudice and Jane Austen, but buy me a beer and I will tell you how Sense and Sensibility represents about 23% of what is wrong with the world today.
Jared: Bridezillas, because the best cure for PMS is a strong dose of someone else’s narcissistic self-indulgence.
U.S.
Casey: I’ve never seen a single episode of Friday Night Lights, but I’m sure it’s better than anything else on this list. I’ll turn in my critic badge on the way out.
Cory: Holy shit, how is Friday Night Lights not on more of these lists? I was dragged kicking and screaming into watching it, and I couldn’t like it more. Beautifully shot, fantastically acted, and more American than even this American can handle.
Jared: Say Yes to the Dress, because the best cure for PMS is a strong dose of someone else’s narcissistic self-indulgence.
CANADA & U.S.
Christopher: Glee, because Netflix only has the first few seasons when the show was still fun.
CANADA
Casey: Mad Men because the best of the shows nominated by miles, and has more than one season to prove its quality isn’t a fluke. Also, where’s Justified in this list? (It would still be Mad Men.)
Cory: The fact that Battlestar Galactica, a series filmed largely in Canada, is not on the Canada Flixies list is a perfect example of how damn Argoed we are these days. I will choose The Hour because it is quite good and will be over way before Lost or 24 so I can get back to re-watching BSG.
U.S.
Casey: Mad Men’s the better show, but Battlestar Galactica would be better marathon watching. Even Portlandia agrees.
Cory: You are all mean, fools, or bored with life. It is Battlestar Galactica by a solar mile. The mix of high, low, and relentless drama makes me still want to bathe in the show for days on end. Yes, that means forgoing any other kind of bath. Mad Men is best in measured ounces, and Justified is too southern to have the momentum to keep you awake for days. 24 does have the momentum, but it’s exactly that meathead politics of fear (and real life outside my door) that BSG explores and critiques. Know us by our vices, Redmond (see below).
Also: Starbuck.
CANADA & U.S.
Christopher: Really, honestly, it has to be 24. No other show has ever – or will ever – be so perfectly engineered for marathon viewings.
Jared: House of Cards was created by a team of former Cold War scientists in a bunker deep beneath Mount Washington, genetically engineered from the DNA of Tony Soprano and Jimmy McNulty for maximum watchability, trained from birth by President Jed Bartlet to do one thing and one thing only: compel you to watch it all at once.
Sincerely,
The Dear Cast and Crew crew
Note: Should Netflix ever acquire The Wire, it will win all the awards henceforth and therewith.
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